If you have children, here is what I need you to know. When you separate, your case is not about winning against your ex. Focus on protecting your children.

In Ontario, and under federal law, the guiding principle is always the best interests of the child. Every decision about parenting, parenting time, decision-making, and child support should be made with your child’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being in mind. Too often, I see parents make the mistake of involving their children in the conflict. Do not ask your child to choose sides. Do not discuss the court case or legal strategy with them. Do not criticize the other parent in front of them. And do not use your child as a messenger or bargaining chip. Children are not part of your legal strategy.

Separation is hard on children. Many experience anxiety, confusion, and sadness, and some even blame themselves for the breakdown of the marriage. Your job is to remind them that they are loved, supported, and that none of this is their fault. If your child is struggling, reach out for support. Speak with their doctor, a counsellor, or their school. Helping your child through the transition is one of the most important things you can do.
Remember, child support is not a bargaining tool. It is a legal obligation designed to meet your child’s needs. As a family lawyer, I advocate fiercely for my clients, but I will never support using children as leverage in litigation. Judges recognize those tactics, and they can have lasting consequences, not only in court, but for your child’s emotional well-being.

The best outcome is not about one parent “winning.” It is about raising children who feel safe, secure, and loved by both parents whenever possible. Keep your focus where the law does: on the best interests of your child.

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(This post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.)